The ringing of the phone…hurts my ears and makes me attentive…hope it's not for me..I wish I could unplug it.
My mobile phone…Can't stand hearing its tone. So I make it just beep once…even the beep gets on my nerve..and the names flashing on the screen are tiresome! So I turn it off.
I'm logged into msn messenger..People sign in and out…they hurt my eyes and make me feel uneasy inside…so I keep my status "busy"…you ask why am I logged in if I don't want talk to anyone? I don't know..It's just I don't see friends these days…So I just wanna say hi or something. That feeling that somebody is close.
It's my brother's birthday. They say he's 20 now…I was twenty some days ago! Can't believe he's 20…how old am I then? 22 going on 23…So I'll be 23 in July…it's 20+3? Where have I been then? Right, "Life slips by like a field mouse not shaking the grass" Ezra Pound.
People I meet randomly…of course everything happens for a reason..some persons I met over the last months gave me an insight ,added a new color to my life..and I'm thankful.
Friendship? To be naked around people you trust, to talk as if you are talking to yourself…To be not afraid if they know your weakness…To get worried about them…to see through them…to excuse them and excuse their bad moods…to feel happy when they are happy…
Love..between men and women…it has no definite definition as it changes from one couple to another…some like to own their partner, some like to feel secure and accepted, and that they have someone who cares, some see that a particular someone is "suitable" probably because they think the same, they have lots of things in common, they look in the same direction etc….but to me, love is something else. I will not try to romanticize it, but it's my own personal view…Love is bringing out the best in your partner, helping him/her to reach perfection, pushing one another towards their dreams, offering a shoulder to cry on when the going gets tough, giving him/her Wings to fly and discovering different areas of life together, and if death separates them, they know as in death they part (physically not spiritually), in resurrection they reunite. And finally, to make me a hot drink when I'm cold :))
Marriage…ever since I graduated, some people recommend me as a good bride to some guys, some of whom I never ever met. They call mum and say "He's a good guy". Fine! First, you people, define "good" ?What's good to you may be not good to me. And how do you know that I'm good? Just because mum and aunt go to church on regular basis? Or maybe because my dad was a reputable doctor? Well, do you know that I bang my head when I listen to metal songs " Hallowed be thy name","Scarsick" etc….Do you know that I'm neither orthodox nor catholic nor protestant? That I hate Christianity to be divided into opposing sects? Do you know that my best friend is Muslim? Salma….Since childhood…do you have problems with that? Do you know that God can be found anywhere…in nature, on a person's face, in someone's words? Do you know that I'd rather not have a wedding party…that big parties are really tacky! or maybe a small party, some slow music on..and that's it!
The medieval girl in me..I hate excessive technology..I guess that Steam trains are enough! I feel i'm out of time..that time passed by and never waited for me..Sometimes i visualize myself as a victorian girl wearing that long dress and the lovely bonnet...the daughter of a ranch owner sitting on a victorian couch..the horses neigh..i wake up and stretch my hands on my canopy bed...i go to the field and watch the harvest.I write poetry and read novels in the evening.I meet a knight at a ball,whose eyes tell a story of wars,victory,pain and a manhood spent yields in toughening up a real man.Or I meet an extraordinary writer,we talk non stop and discover corners of life together.
Well, it's just my blood pressure is low and i can't do anything so I wrote some thoughts.
